I'm editing my showreel. It was scheduled for late January, but hey! I took my time.
A lot of changes has been happening since the beginning of the year. I'm slowly editing it anyway. I almost forgot the pleasure of editing: putting pieces together, finding connections, fitting fragments.
My computer was full of files. I had to buy an SSD. But first, cleanup. Sorting. Reorganising.
My showreel is taking shape as I write this. Then I'll look for a job. Collaborations. Opportunities. I feel a bit anxious. I can't deny it.
I lost two notebooks. Full of ideas. Even for this newsletter. I'm searching for them. Under the bed, inside my jacket, in the backpack I no longer use. Nothing. I feel lost without them.
What to do when you don’t know what to do?
Research. Among the many books I started and haven’t finished, this month there’s Brian Eno's Diary. One phrase sticks in my mind:
When in doubt, tidy up.
Yesterday, I had a terrible headache. And then the missing notebooks. No energy to work on my showreel.
When in doubt, tidy up. But I didn’t feel like getting up from the sofa. I ordered Deliveroo. Cheeky burger. So, I sorted files on my computer.
Some I didn’t even know I had. A few clips shot on a windy June day. A guy chased me for ten minutes. Then he found the courage to talk to me. He told me he has a good job but dreams of making videos. Then he wanted to be filmed. So I did.
Those fragments didn’t even turn out well. Handheld vintage lenses are unforgiving. But now, looking at them, I wonder: how many of us have an idea inside, a desire, just waiting for the courage to express it? Even ideas chase us. Even ideas, sometimes, just want to be filmed.
How to use these shots? I tried putting them together.
Small loops. For Instagram or Tick Tok?
Small loops. Déjà vu.
Rediscovered fragments. It’s always nice when you find something you didn’t know you had. Like the five pounds in the jacket you haven’t worn in a while.
You won’t be rich, but hey!
Small loops. They repeat. Different yet the same.
Ideas that come back. Ideas you had forgotten. Scenes that seem identical, but they’re not. It takes time to understand. It takes repetition to learn.
I’m sure that tomorrow, while tidying up the house, I’ll find my notebooks. But if I don’t? Hey, maybe it doesn’t matter.
Ideas don’t disappear. They change form, they slip into a sentence read by chance, into a forgotten file, into a guy who wants to make videos. You don’t need the same pages to rewrite them. Ideas always come back. You just need the courage to listen.
Final inspirations of the month:
- The Address Book by [[Sophie Calle]] – After finding a lost address book, Calle contacted and interviewed the people listed inside, reconstructing a portrait of its owner through the perspectives of others. A fascinating exploration of identity, privacy, and storytelling. Maybe, if I'm lucky, someone like her will find my notebooks.
- How To with John Wilson – A docu-series that turns everyday moments into unexpected explorations of human connection and storytelling.
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